Beach Bound, Puppy Packed, and Cheers to Bryan

Beach Bound, Puppy Packed, and Cheers to Bryan

🌼 Date: Friday, June 26, 2026

⚡ Energy: Road trip tired with a full heart

❤️ Status: Made it to the beach

🥰 Outlook: Vacation starts, memories come with us

Today we were packed and on our way to the beach for 10 days.

A much-needed break from doctor appointments, lab numbers, side effects, and the never-ending circus that is cancer recovery.

Beach air, campground chaos, puppy snuggles, card games, campfires, and hopefully a little space to breathe.

Yes, please.

This was also Little Miss Maizy’s first official road trip.

Bringing her home does not really count because that was more of a lifesaving mission.

This time, she was officially part of the family travel crew.

Gidget took over as co-pilot in Momo’s absence, and even though she had some pretty big paws to fill, she did a wonderful job.

Momo would have been proud.

We stopped once for a potty break.

Possibly more for Mommy than the puppies, but let’s not get caught up in details.

The puppies made good use of it too.

Maizy actually seemed to enjoy riding in the car, which makes sense because she fits in perfectly with this crazy family.

Again, who rescued whom?

Once we got camp set up, we headed into town for dinner.

And while today was the start of our vacation, it was also a day of remembrance.

Four years ago today was the hardest day of my life.

The day we kissed our son goodbye.

The day I closed Bryan’s eyes as he passed away from cancer.

There are no words big enough for that kind of loss.

There is no “moving on” from losing your child.

There is only learning how to carry the love, the grief, the memories, and the ache with you.

Some days you carry it quietly.

Some days it knocks the air out of you.

And some days, like today, you take it with you to the beach, sit next to the man who has held you through the impossible, and raise a beer to the boy you would give anything to hug again.

That has become our tradition.

No matter where we are, vacation or not, we have a beer in honor of Bryan.

So tonight, we did.

Cheers to Bryan.

To the memories that are too many to count.

To the laugh that still lives in our hearts.

To the stories that still come up when we least expect them.

To the funny moments that still make us laugh through tears.

To the way you changed us.

To the way you loved us.

To the way you are still with us because love does not end just because a life does.

I still cry every day because I miss you.

Every day.

But I also laugh because of you.

Because there is always a memory.

Always a story.

Always something ridiculous you said or did that comes back at the exact moment I need it.

And I am so grateful for that.

Grateful that God chose us to be your parents.

Even though I still do not understand why we did not get more time.

Even though I am still angry sometimes.

Even though I will never understand why I begged and pleaded to take your illness and your pain away, and I could not.

I think every parent who has watched their child suffer knows that bargain.

The take me instead bargain.

The desperate prayer.

The impossible deal you try to make in the darkest moment of your life.

Take me.

Not him.

Let him live.

Give it to me instead.

And the part that still makes me angry is that it did not work.

He still died.

And then, years later, I got cancer too.

In what realm of reality is that fair?

The bargain I was trying to strike was simple.

He gets to live.

I take the cancer.

That was the deal my broken momma heart was offering.

Not this.

Not take him anyway and then hand me cancer later too.

Maybe grief makes us try to negotiate with something that cannot be negotiated with.

Maybe that is just what love does when it is desperate.

Maybe there was never a deal to be made.

But I know this:

I would have taken it from him if I could have.

I would have done anything.

Anything.

I do not know what the lesson is in all of that.

Maybe there is not a neat lesson.

Maybe some things are just heartbreakingly unfair.

Maybe being human means admitting that some days faith and anger sit at the same table.

And today, they did.

I know people mean well when they say, “God does not give you more than you can handle,” but I struggle with that one.

Because there have been plenty of moments where I did not feel like I was handling anything.

I felt broken.

Buckled.

Crumbling.

A puddle of tears on the floor with nothing left to give.

I am not always the strong person people think I am.

Sometimes I am just a person who keeps breathing because Casey is beside me, holding me up when I cannot hold myself.

And today, I am grateful for him too.

For this life we are still living.

For this trip we still took.

For the puppies in the truck.

For the camper waiting at the beach.

For the friends around us.

For the memories we get to keep.

For the love that still finds a way to show up, even on the hardest dates on the calendar.

Today was not just vacation day.

It was Bryan day.

A travel day.

A remembrance day.

A grief day.

A gratitude day.

A day where joy and sadness rode in the same truck all the way to the coast.

And somehow, that feels right.

Because that is life now.

It is not one thing at a time.

It is all of it together.

The beach.

The puppies.

The beer.

The tears.

The laughter.

The missing.

The remembering.

The still being here.

So cheers to Bryan.

We made it to the beach.

We brought you with us.

We always do.

---

Want to follow the journey from the beginning?
Visit Tiny Tina – Status: Alive (Daily Check-Ins) to see the full timeline of posts.

If you’d like to be notified when a new post goes live, you can subscribe below for free and get an email each time I publish a new entry.

💗 Tina –
One Badass Day at a Time